Oh, the guilt.

It struck me just a few days ago about how much my mum would have done to give me what I really need. The things she did, to make me who I am today, has touched me to tears.



And today, my sis blatantly reminded my mum that I shouldn't change my phone contract because I would be living overseas next year. And at that point of time, I saw that particular look in my mum's eyes and her facial expression. That pain in her eyes. I can feel it. It's the pain of not being able to see her daughter for so long as she pursue her studies overseas. The pain of not being able to see her daughter she has raised from the day she was born to teenager, grow into an adult.



I feel like a selfish person. Like how I'm chasing my dreams, working so hard to get an overseas scholarship and pursue forensics overseas but at the same time, leaving behind my mum who has endured all obstacles and worked so hard to raise me.


Yes, I thought of studying there, working there and not coming back at all. Then, I thought about my responsibility as a daughter. Perhaps I should send cash back home every month to make myself feel less guilty. But I know it's not enough. She has taken care of me all this while and when I am older and have a job, it's my responsibility to take care of her instead.



With great dreams, come great sacrifices.



Dear God, what should I do? Sacrifice which one? :(

My Idol craze is officially over!

BUT I enjoy listening to their music, still. Just that I'm not going gaga and starstruck anymore :)

Life without music would be a mistake.

So here goes:


Happy birthday in advance to Hady Mirza! (Born on 28 Jan)



And Happy Birthday in advance to Adam Lambert! (Born on 29 Jan)

Continue making good music and "menghiburkan hati yang sunyi". Haha. My hati not so sunyi anymore ;)

Am I seriously gonna join the school's talentime this year with Kellyn and Wei En? I do enjoy singing so much but honestly, my vocal range is not that good. Maybe join for fun and throw our faces? Haha. Well, we'll see.

Gonna give the Commonwealth Military Band limelight concert at Esplanade a miss. All the best to my dearest juniors :) I went back to CSS twice, just to check on them. And it hit me that my direct juniors are stepping down already. Like oh my god, I still see them as my Sec 1s and now they are Sec 4s already.

Oh I promised that I won't blog anymore till March holidays. So why am I here? Blame it on math probability endless tutorial assignment that is driving me nuts. Seems like music is the only thing that is keeping me sane while I'm doing my schoolwork :D

I'm so high, I am never coming down.

Probably most people around me noticed a slight change in me this year. Like how I am so much happier this year and how easily I get high these few days.

Being happy makes you feel really good and what is more awesome is that you will start to attract more things that makes you feel happy.

This year started with a good note and I hope it ends with a good note too :D

Dear readers,

I'm going to ask my sis to change the password of my blogger and facebook account to remove my distractions in this important year. Won't change the password to my twitter account cause not getting updates from my three beloved idols will just kill me. Haha.

My prediction for this year? I might be really close to losing myself studying for SATs & A levels. Should I become less human, do buy me a chocolate chip cream frappuccino to cheer me up :D

I remember the feeling of almost losing myself studying for O levels. Like I push myself so hard that I don't find anything happy, I almost forgot how it feels to love people and be loved. Like I almost lost my own humanity. Became so moody and studied like a robot :(

It's really scary. But when the worse is over, I'll be the happiest kid in the world, screaming for joy and getting high for no reasons.

So please do bear with me, everyone. We'll get through this, I promise.

This is probably the last you see of me. I'll be back during the march/june holidays maybe.

Take care :)

Countdown with MEMEKS (PHOTOS!)

We dined in at Fig & Olive's restaurant at JP 2! :D

Guess whom we saw walking past the restaurant after we finished eating. HEHE. Thom ling. We almost wanted to scream his name and ask him to join us. Haha.

At Suntec City fountain of wealth :D

Found a grass spot outside esplanade, near floating platform! We laid out the picnic mat and entertained ourselves while waiting for the clock to strike midnight and the fireworks display! We played really random games and enjoyed the local live band performing at the outdoor esplanade place.

Yes, I was lying down on You Jing's thigh and staring at the dark orangey clouds. So comfy and peaceful! Didn't care about the gazillion people walking past us and staring at me.

Venus joined me too! Woots! You Jing can set up her business of pillow rental service of her thighs :P

This is when me and Venus attempted to reach out for the clouds. And me and You Jing were happily singing National Day songs out loud when we realised that there is no new year songs. Haha.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

And we popped our bottle of sparkling juice!

Amazing fireworks display IN YOUR FACE!

CHEERS! Look at the crowd dispersing while we drank and sang "Feliz Navidad" cause that's the song the live band was playing. We got really high! I was holding the sparkling juice bottle and we were singing our hearts out and I felt lots of people staring at us as though we got drunk. Ya right. We can get high without drinking okay? :D

In front of the really ugly white balls floating on the Singapore river. 2010!

At mcdonald's near Shaw centre. Just look how happy I even become after meeting HM. HAHA, already blogged about the whole encounter in the previous post :D

At Royal Plaza @Scotts Hotel toilet.

Four dead fishes waiting for the MRT to start operating again at 6am.

HAHAHA!

Countdown to New Year with MEMEKS & YOUR SMILE

This is the first time Memeks went countdown together and I must say that I am really impressed with the fireworks near the floating platform. Best fireworks I have ever seen as compared to those national day ones. It was a really awesome feeling counting down to the new year. Memeks popped open the bottle of sparkling juice at the stroke of midnight and we watched the fireworks together. We then poured the juice into paper cups, cheered and all that. We even sang “Feliz Navidad” and changed 'merry Christmas 'to 'happy new year'. Live bands at the esplanade outdoor place were good!

1am plus

We dispersed with the crowd and made our way to Somerset. Initial plan was to either watch movie or go karaoke at kbox/partyworld. Ah choo insisted that she didn’t want to watch movie, kbox was twice as expensive as before and not very worth it and partyworld building got demolished. I think it was all meant to be. I’ll tell you why soon.

So we ended up walking along orchard road aimlessly and saw groups of random ppl. Shall not elaborate much on that. We wanted to just sit at mcdonalds but it was just so crowded. So we ended up sitting in front of royal plaza @scotts and stoning. Yeap, the place where we’ll celebrate my 18th birthday.

2 am plus

We couldn't stand it anymore so we walked a few metres to the outdoor mcdonalds. Finally, there's space for us to sit! Me and ah choo placed our orders. The other two happily eating ice cream in the wee hours of the morning. I was really like a dead fish. Everyone was like that too except you jing. I never felt so sleepy eating mc chicken before. So we finished our meal, left our drinks and we talked about random stuff in primary school and the shows we used to watch etc.

3 am plus

Still feeling groggy, I was just looking around. And I saw this group of ppl entering the mcdonalds. There was this guy wearing a black vest and a black fedora. His attire caught my eye first. Then when I saw his face turned, my jaw literally dropped! He was wearing big black plastic specs. And I stared harder for a few milliseconds. I immediately tapped you jing's arm and said "OH MY GOD, THAT GUY LOOKED LIKE HM!"

I really thought I was delusional. Come on, it's the wee hours of the morning and I thought I was seeing things. I don't want Memeks to be laughing at me for being crazy.

You Jing said "It is HM."

Suddenly, my heart just started pumping harder and harder. I could feel it!

Before I knew it, HM was like next to me pulling a chair to get enough seats for his friends. He obviously felt the four of us staring at him.

And then he looked up.

Extremely shocked facial expression because it's really HM + really happy (with mouth wide open) = the most ridiculous and idiotic smile I gave to HM.

And he smiled back so widely! (Exactly the same smile I dreamt about a few days ago...)

And he mouthed out to us "Happy New Year".

I was starstruck. I was stunned. The idiotic smile was still flashing across my face and I couldn't even react to say "Happy New Year to you too". Venus said it though. But before I knew it, he was already sitting with his friends enjoying his supper.

I guess he dressed up like that because he wanted to keep a low profile and have some privacy with his friends.

That's why I didn't want to approach him and take another photo with him. I respect his privacy.

And I thought he would have been really tired after performing at Boon Lay and then head straight to perform at Punggol. But he still went supper with his friends. And out of a hundred over mcdonalds outlets in Singapore, it has to be the same mcdonalds that Memeks are in. A really awesome coincidence to begin my new year with.

I never felt this happy and bubbly before. I was smiling to myself throughout the whole wee hours of the morning. While waiting for the mrt to start operating again, I listened to his music and smile to myself. And you know what's even better, I felt so awake. Even till now, it's 9am Singapore time, I have yet to sleep or feel sleepy and I'm still smiling as I'm typing this.



This new year is really good. Not just because I met HM but also because I get to celebrate the new year with my beloved memeks. I still love you guys, okay?

I searched through his personal facebook page when I reached home and found this! Same fedora hat! Same black specs! But he wore a white shirt and black vest! Oooh! Hey, it was 3 plus in the morning, of course I couldn't recognise him immediately and said the person looked like him. Heh. This mean that I don't really stalk him on facebook. If not, I would have seen this photo before and recognise him immediately :)

First thing first:

Guess who accepted my facebook friend request?






He definitely made my day!


Secondly, a performance you wouldn't want to miss:



Of course, I notice someone like you, HM.



My god, loving three different people is so tiring.